Just Like You Said It Would Be
Something weird has been happening to me over the last several months,
and while I am fighting the urge to dissect it and figure it out,
suffice it to say that it has been a byproduct of my recovery/ therapy/
the new job I’ve been working since the end of last year.
It all really comes back to taking care of myself,
in a myriad of ways.
Much of this is of the “being of service” nature,
while quite a bit of it has to do with the benefits of
said service on my mind and heart.
Someone early in my sobriety told me
“You earn respect when you act respectable..”
and I did not understand.
Or, more likely, I wasn’t able to entertain the concept
that I never really had up until then.
“People will trust you when you give them a reason to..
Like, showing up when you say you will.
Following through when you don’t feel like it.
Saying “No” when you mean "No"
and saying yes as often as you can, Bill..”
Years after the fact, after lots of therapy and lots of loss,
and gain and experimentation,
it’s all falling into place.
Just like you said it would be.
Which brings me to today, and the point of this entry to begin with:
I have let go of a few people in my life recently
who do not know how to communicate very well.
And when I say that, I mean rarely, if at all,
will they take the time to say “Hey, I love you.
I enjoy your presence in my life.
Thanks for being a part of my journey.”
However, they will take the time to belittle,
point out errors, and just generally serve up excuses and apologies.
Like I was very good at doing, once upon a time.
Like I work really hard at not doing anymore.
I know in my heart that no one is perfect.
I know that I am not perfect.
I know that someone told me once we all do the best we can do at any given time.
I also am going to call you out on that,
particularly if we’ve known each other for any extended time
and I’ve been very clear about my expectations
and how I am
a] willing to be treated and
b] how I'm willing to treat you in return.
Here’s the thing—
Waiting on you to tell me I’m important
and cared about is not the highest thing on my priority list right now.
I go to sleep with and wake up with someone
who tells me that every single day now:
William Welch, KCPM, CPS